Shadow - How to See the Good While Going Through Hard Times

Going through loss is such a complex process. I found myself slipping into thoughts that were more than regular sadness. I found myself in despair and teetering on entering another period of depression. I reflected on where I was at, through journaling, and realized that there were small things I could do to make this transitionary period easier, a little brighter and a way to cherish life.

Positive Inputs

One of the things I needed to regain control of was what I was listening to. I love listening to charged debates, but during this time I recognized it wasn’t serving me. In fact, it was making me edgy and pessimistic. I replaced my fiery podcast hosts and went back to the basics of personal development during my morning workouts, and it’s been helpful to ground me and refocus my energy on what I can control.

Pause & Reflect

The other powerful thing I found was self-reflection. Taking the time to look at the situation with a different perspective. I asked myself

“What if the shadow I’m in is actually exposing all of the light in the other areas of my life that I’m taking for granted?”

There is no shadow without light so there was an abundance of good that I had lost sight of. I started researching the definition of shadow and some fascinating definitions floored me.  In reference to art, one author said that “shadows add facet and meaning to an image”. How beautiful! What if the shadows you and I experience are there to add depth to our life story?

Another art reference said that “without shadows the object may appear plain and boring.” WOW! What a different perspective to challenge grief and adversity! Life does ebb and flow. Movies, books, and our very lives would be pretty mundane without the ups and downs. That was a new perspective, once I took time to pause and reflect, that became abundantly helpful.

Prioritize Connection

Lean into others that you respect, admire and trust. I’m not sure about you, but when I’m facing adversity, I tend to go inwards. I block out others for fear of them seeing or sensing my perceived weakness. I toughen up my exterior, put on a brave face and emotions tend to suppress until they bubble up in desperation.

It can be difficult but leaning into others who you respect, admire and trust is key. Sharing adversity with people you don’t have a strong connection with can leave you feeling that you weren’t fully heard. In all fairness, if you have a surface level relationship with someone, they don’t know all the nuances of your struggle. This happened recently while I was sharing my adversity with a business acquaintance. He gave a clip answer “Suffering is a decision.” While my brain knew what he meant, my heart was looking for understanding and connection and a Tony Robbins quote wasn’t what I was after.

This is why it’s imperative to share your story with people who deserve to hear it and know you most. In steep contrast, while I was sharing my grief with my husband, I said something to the effect of, I just need to get through the next four weeks. He turned to me and said, “at the end of our lives we will wish we never wished away a single day together.” He was right. While we may feel like we’re barely enduring our circumstance, we have woken up today when so many others haven’t. Today is a gift, even if it’s wrapped up in challenge, but some new perspective and infusing our mind with positive, uplifting thoughts can be the first step to move forward.

If you’re struggling today, I hope that this serves you.